Found This in One of My Notebooks

A quote from Thomas Merton:

"Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes. If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed…I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other. "

Frankenstein's Monster

This is day two post-surgery, and this afternoon the bandage came off to my great relief. The bandage involved a hard shell placed over the surgicized ear, then miles of gauze and tape to hold it securely on. Honestly, the bandage itself is more of a pain than the actual ear cuts. Now that it's off I feel about half-normal as long as one doesn't count the fact that I haven't showered in three days (I will later today, I promise) or the fact that my right ear is about twice the size as the other one.

Since we went back to the Bay Area for the surgery, it was lots of fun when I had to make a bathroom stop on the way home yesterday - got a few shocked stares. It's getting close to Halloween, right, just a little early hellish headgear.

Actually, of course, I am very grateful to have come through this third procedure so well. There was, indeed, another cholesteatoma, and I did get the more complex surgery, so supposedly from here on in, any clean-up can be done outside the operating room.

Here's a morbid little shot from our last weekend's walk - someone stuck this cow skull on a fence post.

Not Really Looking Forward to Next Week

Wednesday, I will have ear surgery number three to remove another cholesteatoma. This time, the procedure will be a "canal wall down" surgery, which is a bit more complex, a longer surgery and possibly a longer recovery time.

The upside is that this version means that additional surgery will not be required as the required followups can happen with office visits. The downside is that it's a bloomin' nuisance.

I love that word for this, by the way. It's the term my doctor used in describing this condition, since there is really nothing that can be done to prevent it (other than this surgery I guess) and it can recur at anytime (if you don't do this surgery). If you don't have the surgery, well. Possible growth into the brain, meningitis, and other icky stuff. I like the phrase because it reminds me not to feel sorry for myself.

I've got my strategy for my week + of down time all worked out. Reading, watching DVDs, fiddling with photoshop, sitting on the front porch watching the birds. I may even go so far as to nap during the day!

I broke my favorite coffee mug to smithereens yesterday during a bobbling clumsy moment doing the breakfast dishes. I literally shed a few tears over that. I suppose it's not good to get so attached to a thing, but I was. I bought it in a store in Moab, Utah on a trip a couple of years ago. It was a lovely handmade one, tall and slender with a perfect fire orange and dark ivory glaze that evoked the desert area there.

Consolation prize: waterbugs

Changing Things Around

Since I last posted to this blog, we managed to get our Bay Area house sold and moved full time to our paradise in Central California, Dryad Ranch. Although the whole process of getting the house ready to sell and doing all the packing and moving was crazily stressful, it was all done knowing that the end result would be amazingly wonderful. And so it has been. My husband seems to be enjoying his retirement, only three weeks in, but his smile is broader than ever.

There are a few creepy crawlies around, such as this scorpion which was discovered lurking in between a couple of bowls in the cupboard. Even I thought it was just a bit too plug ugly to appear as is.

I've been allowed to keep my same job and telecommute, a circumstance that thrills me to pieces. I've rented a small office in the nearest town, which isn't large but has a couple of grocery stores and a small public library and various other amenities, such as high-speed internet connectivity, a must for the commute being over the tele and all.

I read this article in New Scientist the other day and honestly, I don't know what to think about it. It discusses gastric bypass surgery and how it has proven to be amazingly effective in some cases in bringing about an almost immediate reversal of diabetes. Evidently, the gut and the hormonal interactions of metabolism are much more complex than anyone can understand yet. I have had such a negative opinion about this type of surgery for such a long time and still don't like the idea of it, on many levels. An online friend of mine even knew someone who died as a direct result of having it, so obviously there can be some dreadful side effects. This article has really presented a different view of it.

11 weeks or so into the knee recovery thing - honestly, if someone were not really motivated to get help it would be well nigh impossible to get through all of the hurdles put up by all of the various medical entities - just to get a few sessions of physical therapy.

All during this time, I've been doing my knee strengthening exercises, that I found mostly from this book: Healing Your Knees, and doing an upper body only weightlifting program. By the time I finally got my first physical therapy appointment, ol' Leftie the Knee was feeling not too bad. The physical therapist I'm working with is great, though, and is showing me all sorts of perfect strengthening exercises and really guiding me through what I need to do. Evidently, I need to really work the foam roller for the iliotibial band and also do lots of hip strengthening, specifically hip abduction.

What I still need to figure out is how to tell when I'm overdoing things. For example, yesterday, I had a great workout - some weights, a little walking, but the knee was really talking, as in sore, during the afternoon. I've promised her a complete day of rest today, but during the workout, I wasn't getting any cries, I guess because the endorphins kicked in and masked it? The New York Times had a great article recently about this: Link.

The photo is called "Crow on a Stick"; I know it's not a stick, but anyway.

Proceeding Apace

The knee feels better, but not quite right yet - it'll still zap me a good one if I bend the wrong way. I went for an MRI on Friday morning, early (6:45) and was turned away because I didn't have the paperwork proving it was OK to do with the titanium implant in my right ear. (Yes, I know I sound like an old granny with all of her surgeries and so on. In reality, I'm an iron woman with killer biceps.) Just another hoop to jump through, I should have the written approval Monday.

Continuing my knee exercises which help.

None of this has prevented me from taking photographs of course. More from the Collier Canyon project, although this particular spot is outside the Canyon itself, nevertheless I've been enjoying this view for years.