Just Stuff

(A miniature rose with a huge color)

Finally got myself convinced to take the plunge and do something about the hearing situation in my right ear and went to the hearing aid center yesterday for a fitting. I should get the hearing aid in a couple of weeks. Yikes, it was expensive! Insurance didn't cover a single penny of it. In spite of knowing in general how much it was going to be, it still was a little more than I'd hoped for, and I found my brain saying that I should be careful not to lose it, so maybe I shouldn't wear it. Isn't it dumb some of the stuff our brains come up with? Here - let me build a shrine to the hearing aid and only look at its costly little self. Sigh.

On the way to work yesterday, as I was opening the horse gate, I looked down the fence line only to spot a wild pig standing a hundred yards away, intently watching my activities. He looked like a darker uglier version of Wilbur the pig (from an animated version of Charlotte's Web) with his ears cocked just so and his front legs planted with toes out in what would be an endearing pose except that wild pigs are not very nice. I asked him just exactly what he found so interesting and at that he trotted to the fence, squeezed himself under and went on his hairy merry way.

Grabbing It By The Something or Others

I found this nifty couple of sentences in the book I'm reading right now - well one of the books, this is the one I have in my office for enjoyment during my lunch break - from Eat, Pray, Love:

"When you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let it go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt – this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight."

After all the recent uncertainty about my work situation, and worry about my husband's heart attack from which he is recovering wonderfully, and still feeling grief over two deaths in the last year and still getting used to the move here from the Bay Area I felt like I was really in the soup there for a couple of weeks. Yet all along, there were those bright shining moments of beauty smacking me in the face - driving home down the hill and seeing that magic hour of light as the sun is starting to slant just right into our little valley.

I guess I really kind of hoped I would be laid off too so I could spend more time in the garden and do more writing and fiddle with the camera. That's not how it was so my choice is to make the best of it and look for the good stuff and the happiness right here and now anyway. Someone said that you're in hell if you want to be somewhere other than where you are.

Tomorrow, I am going to plant a big patch of purple petunias. And then I'll pull about 84 more cubic yards of weeds and add them to the pile. As I weed, I see visions of what the garden can be, will be soon.

Snagged

Oh dear, it does seem that time has slipped by me again. I was going to write something sage-like about how it is that only one or two little things can trip us up - all wisely related to the poor fly pictured above, but I don't feel wise just now.

I've been in hermit mode, riding out a bit of stress related to work uncertainties. Those turned into certainties last week - or at least certain for the time being which is about all one can expect. So, at the moment I am still employed which means that I've now achieved 80% relief and 80% disappointment. Yes it adds up somehow. However, I've got a new boss, as my previous one (and favorite) did end up getting laid off.

The old mind is starting to get itself wrapped around all the changes, although there was the ickiest bout of neck muscle spasm-up over the weekend. I woke up Sunday morning hearing my own inner voice telling me "It's going to be OK." Oddly enough, that's exactly what I wanted to hear - my new mantra for the time being.

Wait, Is That a Little Joy Creeping In?

With my husband on the mend and starting to get out and about, back to a more usual routine for him, I am less fretful and anxious. Deep sigh of relief.

I had a great afternoon yesterday and spent a couple of pleasant hours making a clay face. I'd gone to the Open Mind Bookstore in town because I wanted to meet the artist who made the wonderful Him and Her dolls I wrote about some months ago. I deeply appreciate the opportunity to talk and to work with the clay - heh, even though my little face turned out to have a bit of a duck-bill looking mouth. Since I LIKE ducks, this is not a criticism.

After I headed home, I took a little detour along the river road, as I'd seen a couple of nice vistas on our way home the other day from a Fresno medical appointment.

I'm Still Waiting for the Pass Part of This Too Shall

One thing I can be grateful for at the moment is that spring is springing, the sun is coming out and the roads are drying out. The last post had me complaining about stress, and it's not over yet.

About a week and a half ago, my beloved husband had a heart attack, and luckily he got it taken care of early enough that it sure looks like all will be well. He spent a couple of days in the hospital, had a stent installed, and he's got a new sack of pills. First checkup yesterday found the cardiologist quite happy with progress so far. Hurrah. Do not be fooled if you think my tone just now is nonchalant, I stuck to his side like a limpet the entire time he was in the hospital.

Meanwhile, rumors are flying at work of an impending layoff. I suspect (worry?) I will be joining the ranks of the unemployed soon. The uncertainty isn't fun either.

Meanwhile, we have enjoyed a good wildflower/bird walk this last weekend, our first in a few weeks. We started a Monday night yoga class, which we both greatly enjoyed.

Luckily A Title is Not Strictly Required

The last couple of weeks have been a bit challenging. I'm in a "This Too Shall Pass" phase just now. We drove north to Oregon last week to attend the very sad funeral of a close friend.

This week has seen me embroiled in a situation at work that is unpleasant on so many levels. Yes, I know where to find the most up-to-date version of my resume.

Tomorrow, I intend to do one of the things I love best, go for a walk in the great outdoors. Practice mindfulness. Maybe scratch the heads of some friendly equines, if any of them are around.

I really enjoyed this video of Temple Grandin - she is a fascinating woman. I read a quote of hers a couple of months ago: "Cattle is my favorite animal." I don't know exactly how I feel about cattle - mostly I find them dumb poopy things but I suspect that eventually I'll be compelled to write more about it. The holy cow and all that.

Internal Conversations

This scenario plays out almost every morning.

P Horse 1: Mmm, I love this cereal, that was good. I want another bowl.
P Horse 2: Unfortunately, that's going to have to be it till later, remember calories and all that?
P Horse 1: But it's good, I like eating it.
P Horse 2: (Silent annoyance)
P Horse 1: (Silent petulance)
Stomach: I hate to break it to you 1, but I'm a little bit full here and don't forget you haven't even had your coffee yet, so that extra cereal may taste good, but I won't appreciate it much.
P Horse 1: Sigh, fine, I'll wait till snackie time. Are we there yet?
P Horse 2: Don't worry, it won't be long. Let's just drink a nice cuppa and watch the birds, OK?